Love.

I love and miss you so fucking much. Yet given the chance to have you back I had to say no. And I regret it. But I think I may have regretted saying yes even more. You lied. Everything you said was a lie. You never loved me at all and I gave everything to you. I hate that I love you. I hate that I miss you and crave you. I tried to relay my hurt to you and I got nothing. You must not have cared that much to get me back if you couldn’t even be arsed to try to heal my wounds.. and that just hurts me even more. I almost wish you’d never have talked to me again. I was healing, not healed but on my way and you just slashed my cuts again because I see through what you were doing, I’m your second choice. The only one left at that. How can I know that who I fell for is even real when everything was a lie? Oh you’ve changed now, yeah I’m sure, you were forced to, but how long would it last? It’s logical for me not to have taken you back but goddamn my heart hurts and burns to be with you. I wish I’d never fallen for you, and the sick part is you made me fall knowing none of it was real. There is so much to say to you but I can’t even form the words. I doubt you’d care even if I said them to you. You wanted to forget the past and start fresh, sounds nice enough, but how can I ignore such deep cuts you left? I don’t even know, I just know that you won’t leave my mind. You haven’t since the day I met you. You don’t even realize the damage you did.. it’s irreversible and permanent. I can never forget. I don’t want to believe you’re a remorseless monster, but it sure seemed that way when you ask for me back and hardly act like you did anything wrong. I want to erase you, every trace of you yet I long for you to hold me and tell me everything’s alright. But you caused this mess that I am and I don’t think who I love really exists, I’ve got to move on I just don’t know how.