The Move.

Well, I've been at the new place for almost two months. It's okay, I don't completely hate it. My life hasn't changed that much though. I'm still not in school and I still don't have my license, a car or a job. But despite that, the move was still a very good thing for me. Although changing the scenery doesn't change or fix the problem, I still feel like this is a fresh start. It just takes time to get all the shit sorted. I do feel bad that I'll be 19 in March and not much has gotten done. But I can't sit around and dwell on it all. I can't let my mind go to dark places because I'm not where I want to be, because I'll get there, eventually. These past few days I have felt a bit down and a little confused. I'm just not sure about things. And I don't want to let anyone down because I'm not streamlining my way to a better place. I know they might think, well fuck girl, you've had plenty of time, get it together. But that's just not how things have worked out. I can't do it by myself, and once we're more on track with money and I can start forging my way to a better future. This isn't the life I want forever. And although it scares me to change it, I know I have to. I'm not going to let myself become depressed and self loathing over this shit. It's a bright day even if everything isn't exactly where it should be yet. I do need to start taking more pride in myself though. Try to do the things I can. Like keeping up with cleaning around the house and my room. And reading things that will inspire me. Learning something new everyday. And staying passionate about the things that matter. I can't let myself feel like nothing because I'm not where society says I should be at this point in my life. I am still great, I am still worth something. I still matter. I just have to remind myself of that and know in my heart that I am not terrible. I am not terrible. I am not terrible. The journey may take a little longer for me, but I know that I will get there. And I will not be afraid anymore of what the future will bring. I will not be afraid of myself. I will not be an empty shell wishing she had more. I will be content with what is at hand and move forward when it's possible. I am not nothing.