I'm never satisfied with anything, ever. I get one good thing and I see all the bad in it or I just end up wanting more than what was gave to me. It's not really greed, just that it feels like it's so much less than I expected. Like I always am let down. I hope for the thing to be really fucking great, and then it's not. Or it is really great, and I'm feeling wonderful, but then I think of how I wished it would have been more like this or more like that, or that this would have happened. Or something the next day ruins my good feeling for what happened before. It's like nothing can ever stay good. My life is really fucking bipolar right now. One minute shit's great and I'm feeling awesome towards life. Then BAM! I'm sent back into the "lyfe sux" mode. I hate that! I fucking hate hating life. I want to love it and enjoy all it's wonders. I want to bask in the knowledge and the beauty. But all I ever end up doing to wallowing in the pity of letdowns and short comings. Time is slipping away from me. Months pass by like days. I despise the feeling of looking back on life and seeing that nothing was really worth while. And how those years seem so far away, it's just been so long. And if that is what comes with age, then I don't ever want to grow up. I don't want to look back and everything be hazy and unclear and so very distant. I want them to seem like yesterday. I want time to go by slow so I have the time to do what I want and accomplish all of my goals. But the truth is that I will never have enough time in this world to experience half of all I want. And that brings me down even more. I go in circles in my head. I start at one thing then end up at another then soon I've done the full round of bullshit. As you can see by reading this. I'm sick of shitty moods and boring days. I want excitement, adrenaline, rage, love, fulfillment, satisfaction. The Stones said it all.
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