Things are crazy.

It seems like things lately have been so odd. And it seems like I'm in this mess that I can't get out of. And all these feelings I feel are overwhelming. I just want to feel nothing for a while.

First, I am in extreme like with this certain boy, and he doesn't see me the same at all. Then, on November 5th I was arrested for the first time. And I just keep worrying about everything. I am still in shock about the arrest, it seems sort of like a movie I watched, or a dream, rather than reality. I know that sounds insane.

And as for this stupid boy, I don't know what to do. I mean I try so hard to suppress my feelings because I know it cannot go anywhere, but it's just so hard when he makes me fall harder everyday. As always I will just have to settle for friends, even though I want so much more than that. And its weird because earlier this week we were flirting and such, and then a few days later he acts completely different. He was acting odd, and like it never happened. I know all of this sounds pathetic, but he's all I can think of lately.

Shit with my parents isn't very good either. We fought terribly yesterday. And it's so dumb because its really over nothing. They always try to psycho-analyze me. Every little thing I say its like they take a mental note of it so they can throw it up in my face and question my reasoning for saying it. I'm so sick of being analyzed. I'm not crazy, I'm not abnormal, I'm pretty damn ordinary. I have decided I will never ever tell them how I really feel. I will never let them know what I think. Because all they do is take what I say, twist it and then try to say something is wrong with me because of it. I wish they would listen and see that nothing is fucking wrong with me. I didn't get arrested because I am mentally troubled, or angry. I didn't get arrested because I feel like no one loves me, I got fucking arrested because I was stealing. Why was I stealing? To get things that I don't have money for. It's really that simple. They need to stop overanalyzing every fucking thing I've done since I was twelve.

Seriously, they will throw every mistake I've ever made in my face. Whatever happened to forgive and forget? Its like they keep a journal of every mistake, mishap, argument, we've had, so they can use it when I make another mistake. I fucking hate that so much. And I hate how they sit there and say how I feel, like they know. They've spoon fed me bullshit my whole life. They convinced me of things that weren't true about myself. And now I'm older and I know how I feel and who I am. And I know what they tell me I feel and who I am isn't true. They aren't in my head so they need to stop acting like they are.

Sorry, I am just really upset with my parents. :/

So much shit is going on I feel like I will explode.